Surviving Horror

zombie (1979)

i don't remember when i first learned about lucio fulci's zombie. it was probably when i started working at borders in college, 17 years ago. it sounded legendary and no one had a copy. seventeen years is a long time to have a movie on your must see list. i finally saw it tonight and i have to say, zombie did not disappoint. 

a zombie is found aboard a seemingly abandoned boat in the hudson river. when the authorities climb aboard to investigate, one officer is attacked by the zombie. peter west, a journalist on the case, travels to the antilles with ann, daughter of the abandoned boat's owner. once there, they meet brian and susan, who reluctantly agree to take them to matul island, where ann's father had last travelled. when they arrive at matul, they find dr. menard and discover a terrifying diease which is killing all the islanders and causing them to rise again, as flesh eating monsters.

seems like standard zombie movie fare, yes, but this was far from standard. a zombie wrestles a shark in zombie. A ZOMBIE WRESTLES A SHARK. and it is as awesome as you think it would be. i knew about that scene before i saw the movie. i wasn't really prepared for the awesomeness that followed. bad makeup and special effects, some whack dubbing and a zombie walk across the brooklyn bridge all come together to make this my new favorite movie. NO. JOKE.

zombie is in a handful of movie theaters now, screening before its released on dvd. if you can, you should go. i think everyone at the theater i saw it at would agree it was the most fun they'd had at a horror movie in a long, long time.

 

This entry was posted on Sat, 10/22/2011 - 03:59 and is filed under

• movie review
• october
• zombie

.

• Add new comment

red state (2011)

first of all, i am a kevin smith fan. not a rabid fan but a fan nonetheless. i love most of his movies (cop out, huh?) and i dig him. he's a passionate nerd with a lot to say. that's my favorite kind of person. this is to say i may be a little biased. 

i loved this movie. it had problems. it did. i felt like i was being clobbered over the head with kevin smith's feelings about the religious right - and its not that i don't agree with him. BUT this movie would have benefited from some subtlety. strong direction and performances from everyone involved saved red state from becoming a caricature. this movie is a cautionary tale within a cautionary tale and may be kevin smith's best movie. 

a group of teenagers in search of easy sex head out to a neighboring town - a town run by religious zealots. jarod, played by kyle gallner, came up with this genius plan after meeting an  older, and supposedly game, woman on the internet. who the hell are these kids and why do they think this is a good idea? needless to say, things do not go as planned. the boys find themselves in the middle of this right wing cult's plan to trap sinners and force them to pay for their misdeeds. their leader, abin cooper, played by michael cooper is terrifying, and things don't go quite as planned for him either when the ATF gets involved. john goodman and melissa leo were also fantastic. i'm always happy to see kevin pollack, who makes a brief and memoriable appearance. i was stunned when it was over. it definitely lived up to the hype.

This entry was posted on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 20:59 and is filed under

• movie review
• october

.

• Add new comment

monsters (2010)

i've been reading about this movie forever. i'm not sure why it took me so long to watch it. its been sitting in my netflix watch instant queue for months. 

i LOVED it. really and truly. its quiet and tense. the story unfolds slowly and that's ok. and while there are monsters and some scary moments, its more about these two people who are thrown together and what happens to them. its like before sunrise set in district 9. weird but it works perfectly.  

sixe years after an alien invasion a journalist, andrew, is hired to take a young american woman, samantha, back across the border from mexico, through the "infected" zone. things happen, i may have even jumped once or twice. in the end, we get to see the "monsters" and they are awesome - and i NEVER want to see the monsters! 

its worth noting that monsters was made for some ridiculously low sum of money - like $15,000. it goes to show that bigger is not always better and that low-budget horror and sci-fi don't need to suck.

This entry was posted on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 20:59 and is filed under

• movie review
• october

.

• 1 comment

i'm watching just as much horror as i always do during october - one or two movies a day. some have been fantastic, some have been offensive, a few have just sucked. i'm also much busier than i was last october. i do not have time to write about every movie i watch. so, i'm not going to. instead, i'm going to pick my favorite 13 and write about those. starting tomorrow. 13 days 'til halloween people. 13 days. 

This entry was posted on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 00:04 and is filed under

• october

.

• Add new comment

recently, my mom told me she had watched a really upsetting zombie movie. she said that it had bothered her so much she had trouble sleeping.  i asked, "was it dead girl?" yes, yes it was.

deadgirl has long been on my will not watch list. for those unfamilar, its about two teenage boys who find a zombie girl chained in the basment of an abandoned asylum. i'm foggy on the details from here but i know that the girl is raped. i know that things don't go well for at least one of the boys and i think some of the boys' actions devolve further. i don't know for sure because i've never seen it. and i won't. 

so, with october, my month of crazy horror movie watching almost upon us, and with a great deal of buzz occurring for two movies i WILL NOT SEE, i felt i needed to write about this. 

as a lover of horror movies, i adore the scared exhilaration that comes with watching a well made scary movie. a good horror movie can leave you feeling like you've just ridden a roller coaster. movies like dead girl leave me feeling angry and sad for the human race.

every 2 minutes, someone in the united states is sexually assaulted. one sexual assault every two minutes. 1 out of 3 women will be a victim of domestic violence. these facts are NOT OK and the numbers may actually be worse due to the number of incidents that go unreported and reporting standards. we live in a rape culture. while i don't believe that these movies are the cause, i do believe they can have a desensitizing effect. people start to think rape is normal. it isn't and its definitely not entertaining.

yes, murder happens too. every day. but its rarely the variety seen in horror movies. demons, chainsaw murders, genetically mutated monsters - these things only exist in movies. the plots of the movies i won't see sometimes feel a little too "ripped from the headlines."

i won't be seeing  the woman or a serbian film. i've seen the original last house on the left, but i won't ever see it again, nor would i watch the remake. same for straw dogs. the list goes on... some of these movies may even be well made but i'll never know. that's my choice, my way to to say "THIS IS NOT OK."

This entry was posted on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 15:59 and is filed under

• ick factor
• me
• women in horror

.

• Add new comment

fright night - 2011

i was not happy to hear they were remaking fright night. i love the original. it was a favorite when i was growing up and to me, its the perfect blend of humor and horror. leave the movies of my childhood alone. and while you're at it get off my lawn!

when i started to hear casting bits, i became more willing to concede that possibly i was just being old and cranky. colin farrell as jerry, toni collette as charlie's mom. DAVID TENNANT! and marti noxon was writing the script. i was suddenly VERY EXCITED. she is one of the most clever, most thoughtful writers in hollywood. episode after episode of buffy would not have been the same without her. 

i wasn't disppointed. it was totally fun. colin farrell's jerry made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. he's menacing, predatory and SO skeevy. the perfect antidote to the sparkly vampires who inhabit the twilight world. charlie's a believably dopey teenager. ed was great. i don't think there are enough words for how much i loved david tennant and toni collette was awesome, as always. it was genuinely scary and still very very funny. some of the special effects were cheesy and a little over the top but really, still a really solid movie. so good i may go see it a second time at the bargain show.

lessons learned: real estate for sale signs can be useful when fighting vampires.

This entry was posted on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 20:37 and is filed under

• review
• vampires

.

• Add new comment

final destination 5 - 2011

i am unapologetic about my love for these movies. the deaths all feel like a rube-goldberg machine gone horribly wrong. grim but so fun. also, there's never been a bad guy in any of these movies. the big bad was always just death. death was pissed and taking names and there was no cheating him a second time. 

one of the twist of final destination 5, where we find out that placing someone's in death's path when he's coming for you can save your life, pissed me off. it took some of the fun away by adding an oy, do we humans ever suck element. bah. it didn't ruin the movie for me but it definitely threw me off.

the other twist more than made up for it. i won't spoil it. it was totally fun, brought things full circle and made it clear that this was the end of the series. the deaths were as fun as they were in the first movie. 

 

lessons learned: laser eye surgery, don't do it. 

This entry was posted on Tue, 09/20/2011 - 20:37

• Add new comment

eaten alive - 1977

the plot synopsis on imdb.com reads: "A psychotic redneck who owns a dilapidated hotel in the backwater swamps of Louisiana kills various people who upset him or his business, and he feeds their bodies to a large crocodile that he keeps as a pet in the swamp beside his hotel." i don't think that properly captures how horrible this movie actually is. so, i present you with the notes i took while watching it:

good lord. the opening credits are screechy.

oh good. a belt buckle. did he just day, "my name is buck and i'm here to fuck?" is this where that bit of grossness in kill bill was born? ugh. oooooh buck is robert englund. gross. oh she's not having any of that*. did he really just say "there ain't no such word as no."? rewind. oh god. he did. apparently she's a prositute. ok. ok. she's a prostitute with a weird blonde wig. and she's screaming. bosslady madame to the rescue. um no. she's rewarding robert englund by telling him to go pick out two girls and fires the weird wigged prostitute. gross.

70s horrror, i kind of hate you.

she hoofs it to the nearest motel. the totally skeevy motel owner touched her breast. on accident. and he just figured out where she's come from. OH GOD. now he's trying to rape her.

70s horror, SERIOUSLY. WTF?

now he's stabbing her with a pitchfork and feeding her to his crocodile. alive. and i am only 13 minutes into this.

send help.

14:12 why is there a monkey?

oh look! motel dude has a nazi flag and guns!

and a family have showed up at the motel wanting to use his restroom. mom, dad ("roy"), daughter and a dog ("snoopy").

18:11 motel dude's name is judd and now he's muttering to himself.

the monkey is dead. the little girl is screaming. and snoopy is barking at the crocodile.

snoopy bites it - and by that i mean he's been eaten by the crocodile. the little girl almost gets bit.

now the whole family is going up to a room, followed by judd. don't!

roy is having a major meltdown. mom's smoking. her hair looks like a wig. also, she's cried so much her makeup is making her look bruised.

the little girl is crying - which seems like the appropriate response to almost being eaten by a crocodile.

what the fuck abounds.

the sound editing is completely wackadoo. as is the music.

good god, more people have arrived at the motel. an older man and a young woman. that's no good. no good at all. oh snap!

he's the prostitute from the opening scenes father and that's his other daughter with him. from now on they will be know as p.f. (prositute's father) & p.s. (prostitute's sister)

judd points them in the direction of the brothel.

30:32 mom and roy are still having a meltdown. and she is wearing a wig! roy is barking. BARKING. little girl is still crying. roy is going to shoot the croc. judd is freaking out.

36:13 judd is swinging a scythe at roy on the porch.

ha! croc busted onto the porch and swallowed roy whole!

judd scurried upstairs to chil in his nazi flag draped chair.

WHAT?! he just ate some sort of powder than seemed to get him stoned. or something.

i need to be clear. i do not really understand what is happening in this movie AT ALL.

mom is looking for roy. judd says he'll <roy> be right up.

a completely gratutitous shot of mom removing her stockings.

judd brought her suitcase up and tossed it inter her room.

now he's invaded the bathroom and she's all tangled up in the shower curtain. he's slapping her around.

kid is now awake and screaming.

70s horror. grrrrrr. argh.

judd is now swinging the scythe at the little girl

mom is tied up but is trying to make a break for it. he slaps her around again. he's tied her to a bed with electrical tape covering her mouth. and now he's talking to her about his war injuries.

44:05 what the fuck? no really. WTF?

little girl is hiding under the house. there are rats. the croc seems to have discovered her whereabouts.

and there's the wackadoo music again.

oh! p.f. & p.s. are at the polce station.

sheriff told p.f. to simmer down!

50:39 just told shawn he did NOT want to watch this with me.

judd has just crawled under the porch to get the little girl.

sheriff has showed up at brothel with p.f. & p.s.

hattie, the bosslady madame is dressed with a clownish man. huh. and she's trying to sell them a piece of property.

so confused.

52:25 judd is trying to find the little girl again.

he found her found her, swung the scythe and missed her. apparently swinging a scythe while crawling isn't easy. good to know.

little girl has got some pipes on her.

headlights!

p.f. & p.s. have checked in to judd's house of horrors.

p.f. just heard little girl screaming and went looking for her.

judd just got his scythe stuck in p.f.'s neck. oops.

dad just fell into the water with the croc.

judd is muttering again.

58:47 oh good. we're in a bar now with horny redneck hicks.

oh good! buck's here with a girl. run girl run!

and a really sketchy looking guy by the bar. wow. there is no one in this bar who doesn't make my skin crawl.

sketchy looking guy is getting picked on.

what the hell?

i give up. now p.s. and the sheriff are at the bar making eyes at one another and eating chicken fried steak.

sheriff's telling buck to behave. golly is robert englund young and skeevy.

1:04 they spent a lot of money on dry ice.

buck and girl are checking in to the motel much to judd's dismay.

more muttering.

1:07 mom is still tied up and struggling.

1:09 buck's girl's boobs.

ooooooh. robert englund sex scene. that's not ok.

this honestly may be one of the most ridiculous movies i ever seen, which is saying something.

little girl is still yelling for her parents. mommy's tied up and daddy's dead honey. run like hell.

more wacky sound.

1:11 judd is turning off all the lights.

he seems to be having a moment. to scythe or not to scythe.

buck is running around shirtless trying to figure out where the little girl's screams are coming from.

he's looking at the croc's pond a little too closely. now judd is muttering at him and bam!

1:15 aaaaaand there goes buck. into the pond. croc goes nom.

judd is now chasing freddy's new girl with the scythe. she needs more clothing. 

more fog. so much fog that judd is disoriented.

some dude just pulled up in a car and rescued bucks's girl. 

p.s.'s just pulled up to the motel.

run chicky run!

don't go up the mother fucking stairs. god dammit, when will people learn?

1:19 p.s. is settling in for the night. did no one wear a bra in the seventies?

judd's back. he appears to be having an altercation with the croc.
oh noes. he's let the croc in by the little girl.
mom is screaming and struggling. p.s. is putting her clothes back on. thank GOD.
croc is hot on little girl's trail. is the croc animatronic? what is it? (aside from laughable)

p.s. found mom. and now judd is swinging his sythe at both of them. he got mom's leg but neither are dead.

i have to recommend he find a new weapon.

mom just knocked judd into the pond despite her scythe injury. croc go nom.
sheriff's here. just in time.

screaming weird music. floating leg and more fog.
 

1:26 credits. thank god.

 

lessons learned: don't check into a motel with pet crocodile. don't go up the stairs. steer clear of robert englund. no more 70s horror.

next up in the tober hooper project: salem's lot

one good thing that came out of this 90 minutes? i remembered an interesting article i read in vanity fair about john carpenter, wes craven, tobe hooper, and george romero.

 

*backdoor

This entry was posted on Fri, 03/04/2011 - 05:32 and is filed under

• slasher

.

• Add new comment

burning bright - 2010

"a thriller centered on a young woman and her autistic little brother who are trapped in a house with a ravenous tiger during a hurricane."  that plot summary sounds ridiculous. really. i had my doubts about this movie even though each and every review I read said that this is a movie that shouldn't work but absolutely does. yeah yeah. whatever. seriously, how could this movie make any sense at all?

i could tell you more about the plot, and it would make more sense but honestly, it would still sound ridiculous. also, it would ruin the fun. 

the 4 main characters in this movie, kelly, her autistic brother tom, their step-dad and the tiger, help effectively build tension from the first time we lay eyes on them. kelly, as she struggles with tom. their step-father, as he purchases the tiger, despite a dire warning from meatloaf. they maintain that tension throughout the movie, especially the pretty pretty tiger.

i spent the tidy hour and 26 minutes of this movie on the edge of my seat. i could not take my eyes off the screen. the tiger was so beautiful and had such pointy teeth. although, if someone gave me a choice between dinner at hannibal lecter's and being locked in a house with this tiger, i think I'd go for dinner at hannibal's. 

yep, kind of awesome in a really terrifying kind of way.

lesson: tigers, bad. pretty but BAD.

This entry was posted on Sun, 02/13/2011 - 08:38 and is filed under

• lions and tigers and bears
• review

.

• Add new comment

we've successfully moved. i'm considerably less stressed than before. so, its only natural that the bloodlust has returned. so, we decided to go check out our local video store, movie madness. it was the promised land of horror. the section was huge, divided into directors and categories like "dead teen," "zombies," and so on. i just stood in the middle of it, whirling like a dervish. i think i may have scared the man who just wanted to get to the "serial killers" section. 

the best part? all the tobe hooper movies i was having trouble finding? they have them. my little project will resume march 1. 

This entry was posted on Sat, 02/12/2011 - 05:40 and is filed under

• me

.

• Add new comment